Love, Spirituality, and Moving.

Ok, so I'm pretty sure I'm in love. I am far too spooked to say definately. Feel like I'll jinx it.

It's a tremendous emotion with way too much thinking and a whole lot of questions, and many sighs for no apparent reason.

I love this man. Trully and deeply, and it's hard to understand, but I do... understand I mean. It just feels right. Comfortable as hell. How can he say all the right things so often? Its wrought from a connection I cannot explain. He's my best friend and well onto the greatest lover I've had... Time is the only thing needed to earn that title.

It's the saying the right things that really just leaves me speachless. How do you form a response to that?

He's nearly exactly what I need, when I need it, all the time I need it. Almost... Just enough times he'll say something off the wall, or avoid a subject, or whatever- be human! And that's a good thing too becuase it means he's not perfect or infallible. I couldn't deal with perfect.

I'm in awe. That's the easy way to say it. I could go on about not being able to describe it. That's sort of true, but very cliche. I have plenty of words that apply. Just none that sum it up.

Comfort is a good one, love is a great one, but over used by many people. So it may convey very well to me what I'm feeling, but others wont get it. How about connection? I mentioned that earlier...

That sorta leads into the spiritual portion of this. I feel it. Like it was tangible. Like something passes between us without ever touching. I'm spending a lot of time re-evaluating what I think and believe about the world around me. Strengthening old ideas, abandoning others, and collecting some new things.

David and I are very connected, but I feel we have the potential to be even more so- or at least function more in what's already there.

It's weird. If I think, "I want a hug" he will usually come up and hug me. Things like that happen ALL THE TIME. I think I want him to do something and he does it.

A few nights ago I had a nightmare. This was one of the few times he didn't pick up on it.

I can't remember what happened in the dream, but I remember waking up and feeling like I couldn't move. I didn't want to yell, the boys (David's kids) were in the other room asleep.

So, I'm thinking as loud as I can, "Come here!"

He was playing a video game. He didn't hear me.

It took a LOT to move, but finally I did and went into the livingroom. He turned around right away- looked like he was going to give me the usual happy greeting- instead his face went all worried and he asked me what was wrong.

I refused to go into the room- he seems to have a gift for dealing with things so I told him I wanted him to check it out. I went first, but as soon as I stepped a foot into the place it felt ominous and I backed the fuck out. He said it felt like something HAD been there, but was gone right now.

I then asked what kind of protection was on the apartment. He looked at me a little funny and said none. So I said I didn't know what to do because I'd never been the one to do the protection- it was my parents way, or Scott's way, I had no way that was mine.

In the end he balanced the walls, it's the only way I can describe it. I kept feeling like the wall the bed is against was open, and it was freaking me out. He said that one felt like there was a gaping hole in it. It took the longest to balance, or close if you will.

I've talked with my ex, he says he thinks it's just this area at this time of year. I'm not the first to tell him something was going on.

He's recomended laying down protection on the whole place. "Smudge" is what he said specifically.

If I'm to make his apartment my home as well, then I need to be comfortable. I'm in a nesting sort of mode and I think it will help me out.

I've got a tone of stuff to do and moving in sucks.

Blarg, I'm done for now.

TPR Musing

So, TPR is going to have a pretty flash animated site with all the bells and whistles.

The guys actually hired somebody- I can't wait!

As the Art Monkey, I'll be sending my drawr-ings to the designer guys and they will animate them!

It'll be fun... I wonder if/when we will do some cartoons.